Wednesday 29 February 2012

Man the fuck up.

I've been told by guys that, though they may agree with my Blog posts and occasionally relate to it (in regards to women), they have come to the conclusion that I hate men. (Well I never...)

I'd just like to state and confirm that I like men. Love even. I just hate boys, thinking that they are men, but in reality, have not got a clue on what the difference is.

Apart from wondering, if there are any decent men left out there, I have recently come to ask myself; are there actually any MEN left in the world? Of course, there are males existing and big woop you have a long schlong, but that does not make you a MAN (though I'll admit it helps a bit).

It's 2012, and it seems evolution or shall I say the extinction of men, has made it impossible to find the rare breed of MEN that do exist. I have to ask myself: has man become myth? Each woman will have her own definitions on what her ideal man is but a MAN in whatever language or location will always have the same basic core: someone who can man the fuck up.

Someone who speaks up when necessary and does not wait for the girl first, (she should hopefully not be that desperate to initiate that conversation with you). I advised this to my male friend recently, as he did not want to seem too forward, was a little scared and thinking it is 2012 and with women's rights and all, that perhaps women can and should make the first move... After a certain time and when it is right- the man needs to just man up and ask the right questions. How can you call yourself a man when you can't even speak up? AND you want to be MY man? Erm.

Due to it being a Leap Year women are proposing to their boyfriend as it is 'romantic'. No dear. He is not man enough to propose and you are pathetic (he will soon be man enough to file for a divorce though).

A real man is reserved and listens but when he does speak, even if it is but a few words, it is enough to speak a thousand words. Boys, these days, are the gossipers and bitches, more so than women...

In a relationship, I like to kid myself and believe I have all the power and 'wear the trousers', but in reality, a man is the one who should be comfortable enough to let the female think this, but truly holds the power.


In terms of sex, it should be a balance but at the end of the day, you sometimes just need a man to throw you on the bed and take charge.

A real man does not need to be arrogant or aggressive, he is just content with himself and knows what he is doing with his woman. Even if it is not necessarily stated to her, she should know you, as a man, that she should feel comfortable and not need to question whatever you have.

If you're a 'man' and disagree with this, grow some balls and deal with it like a man or alternatively find yourself a MAN.

Boy
noun
1. a male child, from birth to full growth, especially one less than 18 years of age.
2. a young man who lacks maturity, judgement, etc.
3. Informal . a grown man, especially when referred to familiarly: He liked to play poker with the boys.
4. a son: Sam's oldest boy is helping him in the business.
5. a male who is from or native to a given place.

Man
noun
1. an adult male person, as distinguished from a boy or a woman.
2. a member of the species Homosapiens or all the members of this species collectively, without regard to sex: prehistoric man.
3. the human individual as representing the species, without reference to sex; the human race; humankind: Man hopes for peace, but prepares for war.
4. a human being; person: to give a man a chance; When the audience smelled the smoke, it was every man for himself.
5. a husband.

Thursday 23 February 2012

Circus Freaks.

Houdini at his best.

My friends and I seem to have a track record of dating quite talented circus freaks, normally specialising in the great vanishing act, becoming invisible and escaping tough shit. Inspired by the great Houdini they have successfully mastered the act (do they go to 'act'-ing classes? I couldn't resist that 'joke'; forgive me.)  

These circus freaks are especially good at baffling us, by being a constant figure in our lives and then all of a sudden vanishing. *POP* No calls, contact, nothing. Where do they go?

I send them to the land of no-man's land and know they'll come back one day, whether it be a week, month or year (they always do)...

But seriously where do you males go?

Apart from suffering from amnesia or dying I do not understand why/where/what/how you do this.
I mean you're obviously SOOOOOO busy with family/work/uni/fish died/got run over/funeral/got deported/police problems/phone broke/lap-top broke/lost numbers/was in hospital/got kidnapped etc etc etc.

Please just stop. You're not the only one who has issues you know. 

'...But I've been really stressed out!!' 

Congratulations and welcome to the real world. 
What really pisses me off is that I try to stay mad at them. Like truly try. I ignore and I rant but somehow it manages to go back to normal by him making me laugh (from Houdini to clown). We then go back to that same routine of him being constantly in my life again (like he had never left) and then *POP* 

Some guys say it's a 'guy thing' to lay low and 'hidden' whilst not communicate with anyone when they have problems. They deal with things on their own, whereas girls like to express themselves, to their friends and/or partner.

9.9 out of 10 times they are lying to you and the problem is that they are seeing another girl and when they come back to you- they are mastering the Houdini act on them. Think about the reasons that they're giving you... If any of them were true (pfft) why would they not share them with you? Why disappear altogether? Are you not important enough to hear the problems and perhaps help? But why do we accept the lies even though we know we'll be tricked again? Maybe, just maybe, we're the circus freaks, who have a role in the show? Playing the part of the Bearded Lady perhaps? Some of you girls seriously do need to wax or thread that facial hair to be fair...


I know, I pulled a bit of a Houdini Act, in regards to my Blog, but I've been oh SOOOO busy and my Mac charger broke and my cat died AND I broke my arm. I'll try not to leave you again for so long,  but I can't promise anything and you'll no doubt forgive me again (if I ever do), like the helpless and pathetic girl that you are.

Alas, the show must go on.