Love and hate sex.

"Everything in the world is about sex, except sex. Sex is about power." Oscar Wilde.

To be honest I could write about sex all day. The thought of sex, the thought of not having sex, the act of sex, the act of not having sex, bad sex, good sex, never having sex, having sex all of the time... Oh, the list goes on. Sex, sex, sex. Even when you say it backwards 'xes' it sounds the same. There is no escaping it.

One thing I want to briefly say on the subject of sex today is, though there are different ways of having sex (and I'm not just speaking of positions), I mean ending up in that situation in the first place. Dating to have sex, lying to have sex, getting into a relationship to have sex, doing nothing but just having sex anyway...

I do want to say there are two distinct types of sex which some people have not focused on or thought of before. One is love-sex and one is hate-sex. I do not mean a 'love-hate' relationship as that is slightly different. This is referring more to the sex itself.

Love-sex is simple. You are in love with someone and they are in love with you or you are falling in love with them... You are in a relationship and the sex or 'making love' is pure, beautiful and oh just lovely.

Hate-sex is not the complete opposite of love-sex though the words 'love'/'hate' might lead you to believe so. What I mean by hate sex is that you hate this person or more likely, you'd love to hate this person; but you just can't. You either hate them so much, or you hate yourself, because you can't get away. Either way you are hating. You hate being sexually attracted to someone, who is either horrible to you or so repulsive, either in looks and/or personality, that you do not want to be in a love-sex relationship with them or you cannot because they do not want you like that. You would never consider them as a friend or someone you can relate to in your everyday life, but in the bedroom, the chemistry is present and you find this ugly, hatred and angry sex quite literally ticks off your buttons and you hate that you love this sex. Maybe you wanted a relationship with this person, but it just could not work, yet you can't help but still love the sex. Maybe the sex is wrong/taboo, so again this is why you hate it, but at the same time, this is what makes it exciting.

This can also be post-break up sex, you now hate this person and everything about them disgusts you, as they have hurt you so much or is the initial reason why you split up, yet the sex is still amazing, if not more amazing. It could be that they lie to you or even that they're in another relationship... Or you just cannot see yourself loving and being in a relationship with that someone, yet there you are, undressing them. One night stands, fuck buddies and so forth come under this category.

Men might disguise feelings to not get into a relationship with the girl, as being a commitment phobe, just enjoying the bachelor lifestyle and/or not being ready yet. But normally they just hate the thought of you being the last woman they sleep with or you're just not the only one they want to sleep with. Maybe you're annoying, not funny, cannot hold a conversation, talk too much, ask too many questions, boring, a psycho, a stupid female, gold digger, a whore, a bitch, there's no-one else available, but hey hoe, you're a vagina and he wants to have sex with you, but just doesn't want to cuddle or want you to stay (unless it's for round two)...

Women might pretend and force loving feelings to exist, but in reality they just want to have sex with you, as there is an attraction, however big or small it may be, but they hate the idea of being with you forever. You being the father of her children and introducing you to her family and friends is embarrassing and laughable. You might be ugly, not have a decent job, think you're funny but you're not, can't dress for shit, short, fat, stupid, her friends detest you, maybe you're a whore, a chav, you treat her like shit. The reasons are endless but hey hoe, she does not want to change her Facebook relationship status to be with you, she just wants your penis to be in her.

If you are reading this and you do not fall into either category I.e you're not in a loving relationship but you do not hate the person you are sleeping with, then you are either a) delusional b) you're one of the reasons above (sorry but hey hoe...) c) unaware of the love perhaps not yet discovered or d) have mediocre feelings and therefore you are somewhere in-between. If you are d) I feel sorry for you. Mediocre feelings normally equals mediocre sex, clearly they are not shaking you to the core and you are just sailing away. Once you stumble across love or hate sex you will leave mediocre sex and settle for that instead. Trust me.

Hate and angry sex does not necessarily mean it is bad sex. Sometimes that wild ugly passion is a huge turn on and makes you do crazy shit. Don't forget, it is sex after all and well that's just great, but hopefully for your benefit, you settle for love sex, because you are guaranteed to have it more often. 

Oh and you might just live happily ever after too.  

Chill the fuck out!

The first time I heard the phrase 'chill' was about two and a half years ago, when my friend asked a guy, she thought she was seriously dating, where they stood in their relationship and his answer simply was that they 'chill'. Not only was I surprised (and disgusted) that, that was the only explanation/definition/title he could give them, after what we assumed was serious dating, that step just before the official boyfriend/girlfriend formality. Chill. Just like the many bottles of Blossom Hill, we used to chill in the fridge before a night out, so it is quite literally chilled when we drink it.

Chill.

A simple word that gives me the chills. Who do you think you are? P Diddy chillin' in your crib? Apparently feelings, seeing each other daily, long mid-night talks and sexy time is defined as a chill. So much for chilling out on your day off. The word is now completely ruined for me.

These days there are too many labels for 'relationships' (or whatever). We question where we stand/what we are. Seeing each other? Dating? But what level of dating? Seeing others? Chilling? Casual? Boyfriend/girlfriend? Fucking? Friends with benefits? No strings attached? WHAT ARE WE?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!

Now two years on, the word chill is used normally. 'Come to my house and we chill.' What are we? Penguins? I know the Antarctic weather recently has maybe led us to believe we are but last time I checked; I was actually human. You might be thinking chill the fuck out! Take a chill pill. Chill. Chill. Just chill out man. But basically, whatever phrase you wanna give it. Hook up, hang out, watch a film, keep it casual or 'casj' (seriously what is the world coming to?) oh and my ultimate favourite: link up, it basically is just a sugar coat for; come round mine, let's have dirty sex and then you can leave. 

No matter what the time is, morning, afternoon, night, it's all the same shit really. They don't really care about your problems and life but they'll be polite enough to listen (ah how sweet), you can maybe watch a film and have some nibbles, depending on how long you're staying, you can have a laugh, crack some jokes but basically he wants to casually slip it in. You can stay the night if you're lucky, he doesn't mind spooning (actually he's rather fond of it) but you have to sleep naked and not ask too many questions.

But what baffles me is when they say 'I'm just chilling with my friends', what does that mean? Chilling with another penguin or playing Fifa with the boys which I'm assuming does not include spooning... 

The irony is, each time any of these phrases are used, especially 'chill', I vomit inside (truly) and am enraged. It is the total opposite of chilling/relaxing. I don't care how sweet and polite you're asking me or how fit you are, you basically want me to come round and degrade myself for a bit, fuck you and then fuck right off. May as well put sex slave on my CV and be done with it!

Why else is a guy asking you to come to his house and chill? Think about it, if he wants to date you and get to know you, he will do just that; date you. Why does he want to spend time with you at his house when he doesn't even know you properly? How the fuck, does he know you're funny, when he's not even been out with you? It's your vagina he wants to get to know, oh and you might have a pretty face (bonus). I know, some girls are cool (forgive the pun) with this, but I guess this makes me uncool; what can I say?

Ladies if you go round to a guy's to chill but you don't actually put out (well done- give yourself a pat on the back) sometimes you're seen as a tease and a waste of time but don't think it won't happen sooner or later. You're just giving him a challenge and have suddenly become interesting. Now some effort will perhaps be made. Maybe a date (ooer get you, you lucky thang!) But like all good stories, it must come to an end. Once you have sexy time, he's gonna find someone else to chill with and leave you to melt.