Soul-mates

I am sat here replying to e-mails, not intending to write a Blog post at all, as I have not been ready to since my break-up (cue violins). I have had so much to say, but didn't want to just rant useless girl garbage, which I would no doubt regret in years to come. However, sometimes the inspiration just pops up from nowhere, like jury duty. Listening to the Fray's 'how to save a life' as it came up on youtube suggestions and I forgot how much I liked this song. “Where did I go wrong? I lost a friend...” lyrics hits home and my stupid brain takes me back to an intense conversation on soul-mates I had with him. Ironically, it was the same night we broke up. I am still trying to figure out where exactly it went wrong, as everyone in my life knew, we were happy and the break-up was so sudden. Though my friends hate him and I have reasons to as well, I can't hate him and don't think I ever will. I am not the type of person to hate my ex's, instead I think of the good times and I wish him well and hope he's happy.

The topic of soul-mates came up, as we both were lying on his bed, staring up at the ceiling, we spoke about the topic but not in relation to one another. It was as if we were in the two worlds we always said that we were in and just winded up there in a parallel world talking about the philosophical topics of love and time. In reality, we were centimeters apart, though it felt like we really were worlds apart. We both shared a love for each other but we just weren't on the same page and we both came to that realisation at the same time. I really did have that light-bulb switches on moment and though I was in denial for a while, I soon realised that we weren't meant to be together.

Like I had said to him in our conversation, I don't believe in soul mates but there could be someone who is perfect for you. Not because they are the same as you but because they accept your flawsBut wouldn't it be sad if my soul mate lived in another country or in a different life time? What if my Mr. Right is dead already or lived in a different era? He was in silent agreement and I realised that I was speaking in a way, as if I was almost still in search for this fictional Mr. Right, when really if he was 'the one' I would have been saying these words about him directly. Perhaps if we were in a different time or place we would have been soul-mates for each other but in this life-time we just weren't right for each other and I have finally come to accept that; however sad it may be. There were other reasons for our break-up, which I will not delve into, but as I said ironically the topic of 'soul-mates' triggered off many feelings (or un-feelings). I think the biggest loss is losing my friend and everything we once had becoming just a wonderful memory.

Plato wrote that humans originally had four legs and four arms and one head with two faces. Zeus was intimidated by their power and split them in half so humans could spend the rest of their lives to search for their other half to complete them. People say that when they have found their soul-mate they feel complete. But if I don't find my soul-mate does that mean I'm incomplete and half a person?

I still don't know if I believe in the concept of soul-mates and I don't think I will ever know but I do hope that I am lucky enough again to find a mate who touches my soul...

Love and hate sex.

"Everything in the world is about sex, except sex. Sex is about power." Oscar Wilde.

To be honest I could write about sex all day. The thought of sex, the thought of not having sex, the act of sex, the act of not having sex, bad sex, good sex, never having sex, having sex all of the time... Oh, the list goes on. Sex, sex, sex. Even when you say it backwards 'xes' it sounds the same. There is no escaping it.

One thing I want to briefly say on the subject of sex today is, though there are different ways of having sex (and I'm not just speaking of positions), I mean ending up in that situation in the first place. Dating to have sex, lying to have sex, getting into a relationship to have sex, doing nothing but just having sex anyway...

I do want to say there are two distinct types of sex which some people have not focused on or thought of before. One is love-sex and one is hate-sex. I do not mean a 'love-hate' relationship as that is slightly different. This is referring more to the sex itself.

Love-sex is simple. You are in love with someone and they are in love with you or you are falling in love with them... You are in a relationship and the sex or 'making love' is pure, beautiful and oh just lovely.

Hate-sex is not the complete opposite of love-sex though the words 'love'/'hate' might lead you to believe so. What I mean by hate sex is that you hate this person or more likely, you'd love to hate this person; but you just can't. You either hate them so much, or you hate yourself, because you can't get away. Either way you are hating. You hate being sexually attracted to someone, who is either horrible to you or so repulsive, either in looks and/or personality, that you do not want to be in a love-sex relationship with them or you cannot because they do not want you like that. You would never consider them as a friend or someone you can relate to in your everyday life, but in the bedroom, the chemistry is present and you find this ugly, hatred and angry sex quite literally ticks off your buttons and you hate that you love this sex. Maybe you wanted a relationship with this person, but it just could not work, yet you can't help but still love the sex. Maybe the sex is wrong/taboo, so again this is why you hate it, but at the same time, this is what makes it exciting.

This can also be post-break up sex, you now hate this person and everything about them disgusts you, as they have hurt you so much or is the initial reason why you split up, yet the sex is still amazing, if not more amazing. It could be that they lie to you or even that they're in another relationship... Or you just cannot see yourself loving and being in a relationship with that someone, yet there you are, undressing them. One night stands, fuck buddies and so forth come under this category.

Men might disguise feelings to not get into a relationship with the girl, as being a commitment phobe, just enjoying the bachelor lifestyle and/or not being ready yet. But normally they just hate the thought of you being the last woman they sleep with or you're just not the only one they want to sleep with. Maybe you're annoying, not funny, cannot hold a conversation, talk too much, ask too many questions, boring, a psycho, a stupid female, gold digger, a whore, a bitch, there's no-one else available, but hey hoe, you're a vagina and he wants to have sex with you, but just doesn't want to cuddle or want you to stay (unless it's for round two)...

Women might pretend and force loving feelings to exist, but in reality they just want to have sex with you, as there is an attraction, however big or small it may be, but they hate the idea of being with you forever. You being the father of her children and introducing you to her family and friends is embarrassing and laughable. You might be ugly, not have a decent job, think you're funny but you're not, can't dress for shit, short, fat, stupid, her friends detest you, maybe you're a whore, a chav, you treat her like shit. The reasons are endless but hey hoe, she does not want to change her Facebook relationship status to be with you, she just wants your penis to be in her.

If you are reading this and you do not fall into either category I.e you're not in a loving relationship but you do not hate the person you are sleeping with, then you are either a) delusional b) you're one of the reasons above (sorry but hey hoe...) c) unaware of the love perhaps not yet discovered or d) have mediocre feelings and therefore you are somewhere in-between. If you are d) I feel sorry for you. Mediocre feelings normally equals mediocre sex, clearly they are not shaking you to the core and you are just sailing away. Once you stumble across love or hate sex you will leave mediocre sex and settle for that instead. Trust me.

Hate and angry sex does not necessarily mean it is bad sex. Sometimes that wild ugly passion is a huge turn on and makes you do crazy shit. Don't forget, it is sex after all and well that's just great, but hopefully for your benefit, you settle for love sex, because you are guaranteed to have it more often. 

Oh and you might just live happily ever after too.