What you see is what you get.

For a long time I have tried writing something to update my Blog with. There are many drafts focusing on different topics sitting on my desk top or even hand written in my notebook but none compelling enough to bore you with.

Yesterday, I had a crazy experience where I ended up in A&E and was told I had suffered from a mild concussion and short-term memory loss. To say I was spooked out and terrified would be an understatement. Needless to say the doctor said I'll be fine and I just needed to rest which meant no work today, me being bored at home, thinking (A LOT) that resulted to writing.

I do not intend to go all gooey and oh my god I had a near-death experience on you as let's face it, I hate all that shit but I couldn't help but wonder about accidents and perception. Although my doctor had my date of birth in his face, as he was talking to me he was obviously judging me from how I looked. He said something which amused me 'I'll have to write you a sick note so you don't have to go to school tomorrow', I had to correct him that I work and he checked my information and realised how old I actually was and said 'oh wow you look younger.' The doctor's senses contradicted the truth which was staring at him in the face, which is what we as humans do, we naturally trust our senses and instincts even if we are uncertain or have the facts. For a second when I could not remember a certain action I had just done, I thought about imagine not remembering who you are and your life? Imagine all of your memories, family, work, friends, partner all disappearing in an instant and therefore you not remembering yourself. What defines you? I thought about people explaining to me who I am and what I do, but would that help me remember who I am? Me working in online marketing for a fashion company gives a little indication I am interested in fashion but what about my actual role? Does that define me?

Then if you look at my friends, do their behaviours and personalities reflect mine? What about my boyfriend? Does his personality reflect mine and give an indication of who I am? It's a strange concept but made me think more about perception. What you think you see, what you actually see and what is. Someone I know seems to have the perfect life, amazing job making lots of money, living abroad and is beautiful, in fact I've always been a bit envious of her. But I found out she is not remotely happy and is suffering from depression. In the past, I've dated guys who give you the impression they are confident, have it all, happy, secure in their jobs and I fell for them, believing and seeing all of those things. But as time went on the masks began to fade and I realised it was all an act. In fact, they were insecure and extremely unhappy. Was it there fault or mine for believing it? Were they so good at living a lie or was I so quick and desperate to believe the lie?

What people see and what actually is will always be mixed up from our own personal thoughts, experiences and interpretations. I've recently realised most people are portraying a deception to everyone around the world. Uploading all of those Instagram photos with filters trying to look more attractive, or posing with lots of money and expensive goods, when in reality you look like shit, you have far too much time on your hands to even work for the money, hence why you're wasting your time organising your goods in a specific way so that you can get a few likes. Once that's achieved, what do you do? You show off to your friends and feel great for a while and then think of your next pose/photo. Good for you. What a life some of you lead...

Perhaps I've knocked my head too hard and I am just waffling which isn't anything new but I can't help but think about these things. If I see a stranger on the train I will judge them from what I can see, hear and smell. Based on my past experiences, what I know and what I can see, I will make an opinion on you right away. My opinion of course could be completely wrong but that is just how it is. Now you right now reading this, will stop for a moment and based on your experiences and feelings at that very moment you will judge me and this post accordingly and either think you wasted your time, think I'm an idiot and disagree, think I'm clever and agree or just be blasé about the whole thing. Now is that because of what I have written or because of you and your interpretation?

I recently read that if a guy sends you flowers to your work place as a surprise, as in no birthday or anniversary, that he is cheating on you and feels guilty. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry, is that how pathetic the modern day romance is? But people always see what they want to see... Now as a girl who may receive the flowers she will think she has the best boyfriend in the entire world and want to show off to her friends that she has finally found 'the one', hell she may even Instagram it. Now in reality is  love blind? Is it true that she only got the flowers because of a guilty conscience? You find someone on Twitter who has a hot picture and has many followers and you think he or she is cool. Heck you may even follow them and hope they follow you back... In reality are they just an ugly loser who sits in their room, has no life and is insecure and can only portray this amazing character via the internet. 

You see a smelly tramp on the street, avoid them like the plague and think they are a crackhead and refuse to give them your hard earned money because they'll no doubt spend it on drugs or drink. When in reality, they could be an intelligent person possibly coming from a wealthy background but somehow along the way have suffered issues unknown that has led them to that situation. You think your husband is amazing but he turns out to be gay, you think your wife is wonderful but you find out the child you raised is not yours, you pity people who have large families and little money when in reality they are happier than most wealthy people. Are you able to fully trust your senses? What about dreams, drunken nights out where you swear you remember everything but really don't and/or hallucinations? It's only until after a situation you realise the truth, when you have time to reflect. Like after a relationship or friendship you realise the things you took for granted and how much you didn't see or after a leaving job or holiday you realise all of the things you missed.

Celebrities live a life so that we idiolise them and want their lifestyle when in most cases they are unhappy and end up in rehab, bankrupt or worse. There's the political argument that the media gives us the impression that we know everything when in reality we know nothing and what we do know is what they're teaching us to know. There's an entire philosophical argument about perception and reality along with skeptisim and naive realism; a topic I find so fascinating but far too deep to get into. I could go on about this subject forever and instead of boring you to death I shall stop. 

Instead I will leave you with a few quotes I find interesting and give you the power, as the reader, to interpret it as you will; "There is no truth there is only perception" Gustave Flaubert and "The eye sees only what the mind is prepared to comprehend." Henri Bergson.