What you see is what you get.

For a long time I have tried writing something to update my Blog with. There are many drafts focusing on different topics sitting on my desk top or even hand written in my notebook but none compelling enough to bore you with.

Yesterday, I had a crazy experience where I ended up in A&E and was told I had suffered from a mild concussion and short-term memory loss. To say I was spooked out and terrified would be an understatement. Needless to say the doctor said I'll be fine and I just needed to rest which meant no work today, me being bored at home, thinking (A LOT) that resulted to writing.

I do not intend to go all gooey and oh my god I had a near-death experience on you as let's face it, I hate all that shit but I couldn't help but wonder about accidents and perception. Although my doctor had my date of birth in his face, as he was talking to me he was obviously judging me from how I looked. He said something which amused me 'I'll have to write you a sick note so you don't have to go to school tomorrow', I had to correct him that I work and he checked my information and realised how old I actually was and said 'oh wow you look younger.' The doctor's senses contradicted the truth which was staring at him in the face, which is what we as humans do, we naturally trust our senses and instincts even if we are uncertain or have the facts. For a second when I could not remember a certain action I had just done, I thought about imagine not remembering who you are and your life? Imagine all of your memories, family, work, friends, partner all disappearing in an instant and therefore you not remembering yourself. What defines you? I thought about people explaining to me who I am and what I do, but would that help me remember who I am? Me working in online marketing for a fashion company gives a little indication I am interested in fashion but what about my actual role? Does that define me?

Then if you look at my friends, do their behaviours and personalities reflect mine? What about my boyfriend? Does his personality reflect mine and give an indication of who I am? It's a strange concept but made me think more about perception. What you think you see, what you actually see and what is. Someone I know seems to have the perfect life, amazing job making lots of money, living abroad and is beautiful, in fact I've always been a bit envious of her. But I found out she is not remotely happy and is suffering from depression. In the past, I've dated guys who give you the impression they are confident, have it all, happy, secure in their jobs and I fell for them, believing and seeing all of those things. But as time went on the masks began to fade and I realised it was all an act. In fact, they were insecure and extremely unhappy. Was it there fault or mine for believing it? Were they so good at living a lie or was I so quick and desperate to believe the lie?

What people see and what actually is will always be mixed up from our own personal thoughts, experiences and interpretations. I've recently realised most people are portraying a deception to everyone around the world. Uploading all of those Instagram photos with filters trying to look more attractive, or posing with lots of money and expensive goods, when in reality you look like shit, you have far too much time on your hands to even work for the money, hence why you're wasting your time organising your goods in a specific way so that you can get a few likes. Once that's achieved, what do you do? You show off to your friends and feel great for a while and then think of your next pose/photo. Good for you. What a life some of you lead...

Perhaps I've knocked my head too hard and I am just waffling which isn't anything new but I can't help but think about these things. If I see a stranger on the train I will judge them from what I can see, hear and smell. Based on my past experiences, what I know and what I can see, I will make an opinion on you right away. My opinion of course could be completely wrong but that is just how it is. Now you right now reading this, will stop for a moment and based on your experiences and feelings at that very moment you will judge me and this post accordingly and either think you wasted your time, think I'm an idiot and disagree, think I'm clever and agree or just be blasé about the whole thing. Now is that because of what I have written or because of you and your interpretation?

I recently read that if a guy sends you flowers to your work place as a surprise, as in no birthday or anniversary, that he is cheating on you and feels guilty. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry, is that how pathetic the modern day romance is? But people always see what they want to see... Now as a girl who may receive the flowers she will think she has the best boyfriend in the entire world and want to show off to her friends that she has finally found 'the one', hell she may even Instagram it. Now in reality is  love blind? Is it true that she only got the flowers because of a guilty conscience? You find someone on Twitter who has a hot picture and has many followers and you think he or she is cool. Heck you may even follow them and hope they follow you back... In reality are they just an ugly loser who sits in their room, has no life and is insecure and can only portray this amazing character via the internet. 

You see a smelly tramp on the street, avoid them like the plague and think they are a crackhead and refuse to give them your hard earned money because they'll no doubt spend it on drugs or drink. When in reality, they could be an intelligent person possibly coming from a wealthy background but somehow along the way have suffered issues unknown that has led them to that situation. You think your husband is amazing but he turns out to be gay, you think your wife is wonderful but you find out the child you raised is not yours, you pity people who have large families and little money when in reality they are happier than most wealthy people. Are you able to fully trust your senses? What about dreams, drunken nights out where you swear you remember everything but really don't and/or hallucinations? It's only until after a situation you realise the truth, when you have time to reflect. Like after a relationship or friendship you realise the things you took for granted and how much you didn't see or after a leaving job or holiday you realise all of the things you missed.

Celebrities live a life so that we idiolise them and want their lifestyle when in most cases they are unhappy and end up in rehab, bankrupt or worse. There's the political argument that the media gives us the impression that we know everything when in reality we know nothing and what we do know is what they're teaching us to know. There's an entire philosophical argument about perception and reality along with skeptisim and naive realism; a topic I find so fascinating but far too deep to get into. I could go on about this subject forever and instead of boring you to death I shall stop. 

Instead I will leave you with a few quotes I find interesting and give you the power, as the reader, to interpret it as you will; "There is no truth there is only perception" Gustave Flaubert and "The eye sees only what the mind is prepared to comprehend." Henri Bergson.

High Street Fashion Week is here and you can attend for free!

High Street Fashion Week is a new and exciting event. 

The week is for people to see the latest High Street fashion trends and an opportunity to purchase new products at a discounted price. Think of London Fashion Week, but at a more realistic price, that will not damage the purse strings.

The day's events will be held in the trendy and world's first pop-up boutique in Shoreditch Boxpark. Labels to look out for when shopping about include Myo, Roxie Sweetheart, Frills by AD, Elisha Francis, Street Princess, Zoieanne, Lilies of the Alley, Lilli-Marie, La Touche Boutique and much much more. There is also a range of vintage brands as well!

The evening will include catwalk shows in the chic Aura Mayfair club with an exclusive VIP guest-list portraying High-Street couture. E-Retailers and brands including Chic and Geek, The vintage Set and many more will strut their stuff on the catwalk.

Leah Summons, who founded HSFW, has worked in Miami Fashion Week and wanted to give the chance to small boutique owners, like herself, to show off their own personality and style.

There will be a chance to have a make-over from the team, Vanity Van, who style the runway models. The team have also been linked to styling Lady Gaga and many celebrities are predicted to be a part of the exciting week.

With lots of people admittedly shopping from the High Street, myself included, it makes sense that they finally had their own limelight.

I'll be going to the press launch and shopping about Shoreditch Boxpark during the week at some point. So see you there!

High Street Fashion Week takes place on the 22-28^th April.

To register for free tickets, visit: www.highstreetfashionweek.co.uk 

February 14th

This time last year I was asked by a number of people as to why I had not written a Blog post about Valentine’s Day. They expected something cynical or at least an opinion from me as most of my posts are about men (lack of)…. The reason why I didn’t and don’t really feel the need to, is because the day has never bothered me, in or out of a relationship.

I know girls and guys who truly worry and get depressed over the February 14th and I can safely say I am not phased by it at all. Surely, if you’re single, you should feel lonely and depressed everyday? Why should one day society/Hallmark have deemed ‘romantic’ make a difference? Birthdays, NYE and randomly wanting to talk to someone at stupid O’clock, makes me miss having someone, not a random day in February. When women are in a relationship they love the day, when they are single, they hate the day. Make your bloody mind up no wonder we're known for being crazy!

If you’re in a relationship, surely, you should feel special everyday? I wouldn’t want just one day of the whole year that reminds my boyfriend that I need to be loved or be romantic with… I think the random flowers for no reason whatsoever is true romance. Wining and dining should be a fairly frequent occurrence (money allowing) not just a cliché day that EVERY other couple is celebrating. That for me is not romantic. I am not just saying this because I am single, I’ve said this for a long time even to past boyfriends. 

I know some guys that call up a random just so they’re not lonely that night… Why? I know girls that go out and get drunk. An excuse to make a night of it and possibly find someone. Again why? It just makes no sense to me as to why people make a fuss over this day. Waste of money and stress in my opinion. 

I have to say it is awkward when you’ve just started seeing someone. There are so many dating politics! Do you wish them a ‘Happy Valentine’s day’? Do you ask them what they’re doing with the fear of looking like a psychopath? Do you have to spend lots of money on a gift etc?  The fear of romance without looking like a freak. The fear of looking ‘desperate’, ‘keen’, ‘cute’… (Sorry but what guy likes being described as ‘cute’? I don’t even like being called cute, I’m not a bloody baby!) Then there are those girls who think that when he has not made any effort, then he does not like me, which is not always true… It's all a bit confuzzling!

Basically, if you’re in a relationship… Have a great evening but I hope your partner treats you just as special everyday. If you’re single, just continue with what you're doing and have a great evening also. It’s funny because a few of my friends in relationships aren’t bothered by the day and I’m referring to the girls as well! It’s also funny that my single guy friends are bothered by it?! This is what society does to you... Who is St Valentine anyway? What is cupid?

Me? Valentine's? Well, I’ll just be doing the same old thing I always do. I don’t need one day of an entire year to feel single and lonely. It is the norm.

Happy Humping xox

Live your life..

It is my first Blog post of 2013 and some might say much anticipated. I must confess I've been anxious to post something. I wanted to talk about a topic that was funny et cool and thus realised I am not either one of those things, hence the delay.

I don't wish to start the new year morbidly but recent events have led me to strongly think about life and death. I am not going to start philosophising to you, if you wanted to read something along those lines (pun intended) I'd recommend Plato or the Bible. But it seems this time of year or just this year I keep hearing bad news. Perhaps it is because as I've got older so have the older generation (no shit Sherlock, simple mathematics). 

Last year was filled with marriage proposals and babies (no, not for me) and it got to the point of annoying. No, I do not want to see your ugly baby smiling on my Facebook newsfeed thanks. I think there was a secret ugly baby photo contest I wasn't informed about due to not being in the mummy elite club?!

But as they say, normally after births, comes death. I guess it's the circle of life (cue the Lion King theme tune) but it just doesn't seem fair. I know it's life but those nearest to me have lost loved ones and I feel helpless, as I want to do so much, but there is literally nothing I can do. No amount of words or comfort will suffice and heal their pain.

Due to these unfortunate events, I can say I've learned to appreciate every little thing now. I know it's a cliché thing to say, but for those of you who know me, know I moan a lot but I need to realise what I have is wonderful. I also think that I am not the only one guilty of this (not that it makes it right).

Everyone is always in a rush. London is known for being crazy busy, with everyone rushing around to get somewhere or other (do not get me started on TFL and my commute to work...) However, sometimes, when my ipod battery is dead or my kitten decided to chew through my headphones or I have no reception on my Blackberry. I stop, look around and realise what the hell is the rush about? We all need to slow down and just look around us. Everyone on that same journey has a life they're living and their own ups and downs. Sometimes I think the world just revolves around me, not in an arrogant way or anything, it's just that I always think about those I know, forgetting there are billions of others on this earth.

I recently went to a funeral and thought that, regardless of where we are from or what language we speak, love and death is a language that is universal. The philosophical argument whether language is innate or not and what Wittgenstein thought about logic and language popped into my head (I won't get into that but read up on him if you wish). 

There was a speech about what happens to our souls and it made me think, we get so caught up in this world that we forget that there is an entire universe and so much more out there.  Even after death, it doesn't mean that our life story is over. I really do not wish to get all religious but whatever you believe in, we are so lucky to be here and should not be egotistical and think that, this is all that exists.

For those that cannot be with us, I hope your souls are in peace. But for the rest of us, calm down, take a breather, look around and enjoy your life. Live each day like it's your last (gosh enough with the clichés already!) Don't have any regrets and for Pete's sake don't barge me on the tube because you're in a rush, I'm only small and there'll be a next one in two minutes!!

I don't know what the meaning of life is, hell if I did, I'd be a millionaire but I do know that it is what you make it. Everyone has different interpretations of what that can mean, but so long as you are fulfilled and happy then you, yourself know the meaning of your life and that is the greatest thing to know. 

Processing data.

With the beginning of a new job, which is finally a stepping stone into the right direction in my career and future, I notice time is flying by more and more quickly. This year in general has gone by in a heartbeat and sometimes I find myself taking a break to sit, ponder and have a breather. I'm sure all this rushing around, not eating and sleeping properly is not good for my health and will no doubt result to a full head of grey hairs.

As we are approaching the end of 2012, supposedly the end of the world, I have to ask myself if I am proud of what I have accomplished this year? You can think about the past and ignore everyday things, by shutting yourself away, but time is not your friend, nor is it waiting for you to feel better about yourself. At the end of any relationship, well any good relationship, you hear yourself and others feeding you the same bullshit clichés and I hate myself for becoming one of those people but I can't help but believe them. If I had not been single, dedicated job-hunting would no doubt have been a myth. I would probably have lived at my ex's only applying for a job here and there. And let's be honest, job hunting is a job in itself and is a long process, which you have to be motivated to do. I am rather proud of myself that it only took me two months to find a job perfect for me right now. In short, “everything happens for a reason”. Yawn right? But alas true!

So far, the job involves a lot of information to process, it's not exactly easy but it is enjoyable and with time I know it will become second nature. With time, effort and a lot of work, all the data processed will be worth it and I just hope I continue to be happy and good at what I do.

Processing new data from someone you're getting to know is just as long and requires effort and time. It is so difficult to like, trust and eventually let someone new into your life. Firstly, you might find it hard to like anyone in the first place and whether they are available or not is another story in itself. Then the actual process of finding out about one another is time-consuming but also quite wonderful. Eventually, if you find out you have lots in common and there's a spark (chemistry is very important!) you have to wonder, if you can actually trust someone. I can't help but think if it is all worth it in the end? Letting someone get personal into your life and getting used to having them there, sharing special moments, whether it is for a short or a long period of time. If it ends, you've just manually processed pages and pages of data into your life, eventually finding out months later that it was pointless, that you don't need it and you can now press delete and send to the trash. You may know the time and effort you put in but in the long-run it means nothing and no longer exists.

The question is do you just give up and never open a new file or after a while of huffing and puffing, look back and learn from the mistakes so that the new data entered will remain in the saved files forever?

Soul-mates

I am sat here replying to e-mails, not intending to write a Blog post at all, as I have not been ready to since my break-up (cue violins). I have had so much to say, but didn't want to just rant useless girl garbage, which I would no doubt regret in years to come. However, sometimes the inspiration just pops up from nowhere, like jury duty. Listening to the Fray's 'how to save a life' as it came up on youtube suggestions and I forgot how much I liked this song. “Where did I go wrong? I lost a friend...” lyrics hits home and my stupid brain takes me back to an intense conversation on soul-mates I had with him. Ironically, it was the same night we broke up. I am still trying to figure out where exactly it went wrong, as everyone in my life knew, we were happy and the break-up was so sudden. Though my friends hate him and I have reasons to as well, I can't hate him and don't think I ever will. I am not the type of person to hate my ex's, instead I think of the good times and I wish him well and hope he's happy.

The topic of soul-mates came up, as we both were lying on his bed, staring up at the ceiling, we spoke about the topic but not in relation to one another. It was as if we were in the two worlds we always said that we were in and just winded up there in a parallel world talking about the philosophical topics of love and time. In reality, we were centimeters apart, though it felt like we really were worlds apart. We both shared a love for each other but we just weren't on the same page and we both came to that realisation at the same time. I really did have that light-bulb switches on moment and though I was in denial for a while, I soon realised that we weren't meant to be together.

Like I had said to him in our conversation, I don't believe in soul mates but there could be someone who is perfect for you. Not because they are the same as you but because they accept your flawsBut wouldn't it be sad if my soul mate lived in another country or in a different life time? What if my Mr. Right is dead already or lived in a different era? He was in silent agreement and I realised that I was speaking in a way, as if I was almost still in search for this fictional Mr. Right, when really if he was 'the one' I would have been saying these words about him directly. Perhaps if we were in a different time or place we would have been soul-mates for each other but in this life-time we just weren't right for each other and I have finally come to accept that; however sad it may be. There were other reasons for our break-up, which I will not delve into, but as I said ironically the topic of 'soul-mates' triggered off many feelings (or un-feelings). I think the biggest loss is losing my friend and everything we once had becoming just a wonderful memory.

Plato wrote that humans originally had four legs and four arms and one head with two faces. Zeus was intimidated by their power and split them in half so humans could spend the rest of their lives to search for their other half to complete them. People say that when they have found their soul-mate they feel complete. But if I don't find my soul-mate does that mean I'm incomplete and half a person?

I still don't know if I believe in the concept of soul-mates and I don't think I will ever know but I do hope that I am lucky enough again to find a mate who touches my soul...

Nobody's perfect.

I want to start off with apologising for being so lame, I have missed updating my Blog and this just goes to show, that I am not perfect, which fits in with today's theme perfectly. Hearing Jessie J's performance of 'nobody's perfect' at Wireless last month really 'touched' me. Gay I know, but it's true. I've always liked that song, but hearing it live and having this Blog post in the back of my mind, just made me realise; it's true. Nobody is bloody perfect, not even me.

With that negative aspect in mind, that nobody is perfect, I think it makes the world perfect in its own way. Now I haven't gone all hippy and Kumbaya My Lord shit on you, but I'm just saying, if everyone was perfect, there would be no challenges, differences and progression in the world. I'm sure when new ideas, inventions and materials were presented to people back in the day (and even now in some cases), people thought they were crazy, especially if experiments went wrong. Learning from our mistakes and with that strive to go on, we (as in the world) have progressed. All these wars, political wrong doings and what not, yea they are stupid and I'm not trying to open up that can of worms, however, everything happens for a reason and we would not be where we are today, if it wasn't for all the crazy shit that has happened in the yesteryears and learning from them. Who would have thought a quill and parchment to a typewriter to my Mac would ever have happened? God knows what they'll be writing on next...

As humans we make wrong choices and decisions, but we learn from our mistakes and it is said that 'whatever doesn't kill you, makes you stronger'. I don't think completely pretending that the wrong-doing never occurred is the best idea; 'Denial isn't just a river in Africa', but accepting it and moving forward is what we must do. This can be a work related decision, if you made a mistake or didn't choose the right path, or during education, maybe you're thousands in debt, in a random course you now have no interest in, perhaps it is in a relationship, whatever it is, everything happens for a reason. I'm trying not to look back and dwell on the past too much, as it is a serious flaw of mine and does not help me with my future, but I am trying to see the positives from the past and learn from them. If I got accepted to my first choice of secondary school, though I would have been delighted at the time, I would never have met my closest friends, who are like my sisters now and for that I am so grateful that things didn't go according to plan...

As some of you may already know, I can be cynical, negative and sarcastic (well I never!) but I am trying to look on the bright side of life, before it affects all those I care about and I become a Grinch of some sort. I'll let you know how that goes but I wouldn't go holding my breath (fail already). It will take time and patience but I'm sure I'll get there in the end (weeey some of that positive energy!) though, on a separate note, whoever said 'patience is a virtue' was a right cunt.

I am not perfect, so why am I looking for perfection?

In friendships and relationships, I have high expectations of people and rarely give them a second chance. Close friends receive second chances as it seems like a waste of years spent building that 'close friends' title. Men never get a second chance with me. I struggle to understand girls who easily forgive men and not their supposed best friends. People might say it's because love is blind etc and therefore I have not been in love, but I do not see that as a viable excuse, I find it so difficult to forget. If he loves you then he should not be doing something to hurt you. I respect myself far too much and immediately protect myself from something like that occurring again, so I don't give them another chance. I am trying to slightly change this harsh attitude before I grow older and more set in my ways. People, men and women, friends, family, partners are not perfect and do make mistakes and do deserve a second chance, to be able to learn and change.

I realise I am not in any way perfect. I think some imperfections make someone perfect in their own special way. I am not a perfect student, daughter, sister, colleague, friend or girlfriend but I try to be, so I ask what gives me the right to want a perfect someone? I may have fantasies on the perfect man (cue Gerard Butler) but I think it comes down to what is perfect for me. Someone less cynical, two cynics cannot possibly make a positive relationship, basic law of Physics that! Believe me I have never been looking for a Mister Perfect (please refer to the males I have gone for in the past). From now on, I am going to put more effort into forgiving and trying to forget, to compromise whilst looking past people's flaws. Giving second chances where deserved and fighting for something I want, who am I to give up so quickly? Surely that's a huge imperfection right there? Trying to be perfect automatically sets up for failure. 

Let's be imperfect together, now that's just perfect!