Processing data.

With the beginning of a new job, which is finally a stepping stone into the right direction in my career and future, I notice time is flying by more and more quickly. This year in general has gone by in a heartbeat and sometimes I find myself taking a break to sit, ponder and have a breather. I'm sure all this rushing around, not eating and sleeping properly is not good for my health and will no doubt result to a full head of grey hairs.

As we are approaching the end of 2012, supposedly the end of the world, I have to ask myself if I am proud of what I have accomplished this year? You can think about the past and ignore everyday things, by shutting yourself away, but time is not your friend, nor is it waiting for you to feel better about yourself. At the end of any relationship, well any good relationship, you hear yourself and others feeding you the same bullshit clichés and I hate myself for becoming one of those people but I can't help but believe them. If I had not been single, dedicated job-hunting would no doubt have been a myth. I would probably have lived at my ex's only applying for a job here and there. And let's be honest, job hunting is a job in itself and is a long process, which you have to be motivated to do. I am rather proud of myself that it only took me two months to find a job perfect for me right now. In short, “everything happens for a reason”. Yawn right? But alas true!

So far, the job involves a lot of information to process, it's not exactly easy but it is enjoyable and with time I know it will become second nature. With time, effort and a lot of work, all the data processed will be worth it and I just hope I continue to be happy and good at what I do.

Processing new data from someone you're getting to know is just as long and requires effort and time. It is so difficult to like, trust and eventually let someone new into your life. Firstly, you might find it hard to like anyone in the first place and whether they are available or not is another story in itself. Then the actual process of finding out about one another is time-consuming but also quite wonderful. Eventually, if you find out you have lots in common and there's a spark (chemistry is very important!) you have to wonder, if you can actually trust someone. I can't help but think if it is all worth it in the end? Letting someone get personal into your life and getting used to having them there, sharing special moments, whether it is for a short or a long period of time. If it ends, you've just manually processed pages and pages of data into your life, eventually finding out months later that it was pointless, that you don't need it and you can now press delete and send to the trash. You may know the time and effort you put in but in the long-run it means nothing and no longer exists.

The question is do you just give up and never open a new file or after a while of huffing and puffing, look back and learn from the mistakes so that the new data entered will remain in the saved files forever?

Soul-mates

I am sat here replying to e-mails, not intending to write a Blog post at all, as I have not been ready to since my break-up (cue violins). I have had so much to say, but didn't want to just rant useless girl garbage, which I would no doubt regret in years to come. However, sometimes the inspiration just pops up from nowhere, like jury duty. Listening to the Fray's 'how to save a life' as it came up on youtube suggestions and I forgot how much I liked this song. “Where did I go wrong? I lost a friend...” lyrics hits home and my stupid brain takes me back to an intense conversation on soul-mates I had with him. Ironically, it was the same night we broke up. I am still trying to figure out where exactly it went wrong, as everyone in my life knew, we were happy and the break-up was so sudden. Though my friends hate him and I have reasons to as well, I can't hate him and don't think I ever will. I am not the type of person to hate my ex's, instead I think of the good times and I wish him well and hope he's happy.

The topic of soul-mates came up, as we both were lying on his bed, staring up at the ceiling, we spoke about the topic but not in relation to one another. It was as if we were in the two worlds we always said that we were in and just winded up there in a parallel world talking about the philosophical topics of love and time. In reality, we were centimeters apart, though it felt like we really were worlds apart. We both shared a love for each other but we just weren't on the same page and we both came to that realisation at the same time. I really did have that light-bulb switches on moment and though I was in denial for a while, I soon realised that we weren't meant to be together.

Like I had said to him in our conversation, I don't believe in soul mates but there could be someone who is perfect for you. Not because they are the same as you but because they accept your flawsBut wouldn't it be sad if my soul mate lived in another country or in a different life time? What if my Mr. Right is dead already or lived in a different era? He was in silent agreement and I realised that I was speaking in a way, as if I was almost still in search for this fictional Mr. Right, when really if he was 'the one' I would have been saying these words about him directly. Perhaps if we were in a different time or place we would have been soul-mates for each other but in this life-time we just weren't right for each other and I have finally come to accept that; however sad it may be. There were other reasons for our break-up, which I will not delve into, but as I said ironically the topic of 'soul-mates' triggered off many feelings (or un-feelings). I think the biggest loss is losing my friend and everything we once had becoming just a wonderful memory.

Plato wrote that humans originally had four legs and four arms and one head with two faces. Zeus was intimidated by their power and split them in half so humans could spend the rest of their lives to search for their other half to complete them. People say that when they have found their soul-mate they feel complete. But if I don't find my soul-mate does that mean I'm incomplete and half a person?

I still don't know if I believe in the concept of soul-mates and I don't think I will ever know but I do hope that I am lucky enough again to find a mate who touches my soul...