Closure.

The term 'closure' has been thrown around after break-ups and in the movies. We all need some form of closure after the relationship ends. Those of you that are not yet ready to discuss why their relationship went wrong, are perhaps not ready to talk about it, as you are not over that person, it is still raw or you have not received closure. 

I am not certain what 'closure' exactly is. It is an indescribable feeling that is instantly recognised, almost like a click or to use the cliché ; the penny drops. A realisation. Once you have felt closure you are filled with bliss and know you are ready to move forward. Perhaps it can be seen as something being taken away, such as the old feelings of love vanishing, rather than closure being added... 

In the past, I have thought I had closure and proudly boasted to my closest friends 'I am over him', when in actual fact I was not. Funnily enough, when the closure has been experienced, I did not feel the need to go bragging to my friends, I just stopped referring to him and his name was never mentioned again. Nor was he taking up the room in my consciousness and that right there is closure. As I am typing this, I am smiling because apart from writing about this, this is the first time in a while, I have acknowledged these males and can fondly remember the good times. 

Though I may make snidey jokes about awful things that happened, I am the type of woman that wishes well on my ex's. I hope they are doing well and prospering. I don't like to hold grudges against people and even though I don't forget, I can forgive. Everything happens for a reason and even though that heartache may have been terrible to endure at the time, eventually, you do get over it and realise it was for the best.

I am not saying all feelings need to disappear, as that is just nonsense, but it's more of a sense of relief. Rather than being upset over certain things, be more happy over the good times and now and again thinking what could have been, as that is only natural but not to the level of obsession...

There are different methods people have tried for closure. People either try writing un-sent letters (do not send this unless positively certain), gorging on food or alcohol (please be careful with this one), sleeping around (please use protection), revenge (nothing illegal please), shopping sprees (wahey) or expressing themselves through a medium of art (hi there). I suppose you could say this Blog post is a form of closure, well not everyone can come up with an Adele album and make millions, so this will suffice for now... Though these may help to some degree it does not solve the core issue.

I think the main aspect involved in closure is forgiveness. Understanding and thinking from their point of view. Trying to figure out why it didn't work and then forgiving them once you do understand. Those I have not understood (perhaps because they were cunts) I have took longer to get over...

Tears, a lot of food, catharsis usually in the form of slow songs and a good old soppy movie does help the closing process but it is definitely not the final stage. It is when you forgive and just get on with it that they slowly become a faded wonderful memory... Do not go searching for closure as it appears when you least expect it. There are times when something will trigger your memory and get you thinking, that does not mean you have not had closure, you're just reminiscing and there is a clear distinction between the two.

Some say finding someone else helps with closure and though I won't deny that it can be significant to help you get over someone, I don't think it's fair to say, it helps with complete closure. You cannot generate those old feelings straight into another new relationship, that's almost unfinished business and unfair. 

A couple of months ago, I strongly felt closure and not to sound like the type of girly girl I strongly detest, but when I felt that feeling it was the most amazing experience. I had an annoyingly huge grin on my face and felt like doing pirouettes and jumping for joy in my ballet shoes. I know I was being a loser at the time but my life for a split second felt like a movie and I'm not kidding, I thought I saw bright lights, a flock of birds and heard Morgan Freeman narrating my life.

I received an honest text unexpectedly from the said male and it just confirmed that it was not me being crazy all along but he was to blame. I felt content knowing that and felt 'released' almost; my mind at rest. I saw him one final time just to be sure and I felt nothing. 

It was incredible.