Men have radar.

I'm starting to seriously believe in my old age and with the philosophical wisdom that I have acquired over the years (ha). That men have a sixth sense of some sort. A magical power that I think is a bizarre kind of radar. I am only basing this on my own personal life (I can be self-conceited seen as this is my own Blog) and my friends' lives.

Whenever I am single, lonely and longing for attention. My phone is DEAD. Nothing. Not a peep, ping, pitter, patter or phone call. Silence. I do not exist. I am a nobody, in no-man's land (pun intended). You know when you constantly look at your phone or imagine and could bet your life that you heard and/or felt your phone vibrate and check it to see but there is nothing? Yea that. Those typical romantic comedies where the (pathetic) woman checks her answer phone and 'no new messages' is said in such a condescending tone. You become so bored that you play games on your phone, look through old messages, contacts that you'll never actually contact. If you have BBM or WhatsApp you look at photos, statuses and may message people, as you're that bored, but really you're just hoping that special someone contacts you first.

You see your phone flash red (well I do as I have a Blackberry) and get excited that they've messaged you but then you see it's actually an e-mail from some sort of SPAM or a SMS from your Mother, telling you not to forget you're baby-sitting on Friday night, as you have no plans. Or you do actually get someone other than your mum messaging you and though it may be interesting and funny with what they're saying and they are making plans with you on the weekend (so much for baby-sitting) you still have that sunken feeling that it's not him messaging you. How annoying, that two or more people messaging you (even if they are guys), are not equivalent to that one. You may change a status/photo to attract some attention which may or may not work but this is also sad.

Those people that change their status to 'busy' and/or a picture with a black icon like some emo shit. I have never understood and have come close to deleting these people. If you're THAT busy you wouldn't have time to change it to BUSY and you're just being an attention-seeking annoying cunt, with the black photo, so someone can ask you what is wrong but oh yea, you can't reply because you're so FUCKING BUSY. (Random rant I know but I had to vent there sorry).

But here is the radar theory... As soon as you're not single or you're genuinely busy with life your phone does not stop. Phone is flashing red like someone is having a heart attack but you can barely check the phone and you take an age to reply which angers people (excuse them, you have a life now). Ex's or males, who are suddenly interested, are bombarding you with messages and you have absolutely no interest what-so-ever.

WHERE WERE YOU WHEN WE WERE SINGLE AND BORED ENOUGH TO SLIT OUR WRISTS?! It is like your nose twitches and you can smell that we're now taken and happy, so you want to pest and bother us. Perhaps it is a want what you can't have, or suddenly we have become desirable, SOD's law some of you may call it, or some guys actually know you're in a relationship and just want to fuck with your head, for their own ego boost, so they can brag 'yea this bitch has a new man but still wants me' (seriously what is wrong with these men?) Whatever it is.. I call it a radar. Ex's are especially good with this radar even if they are unaware of it and it just happens to be timing, chance and coincidence. It's like they don't give a fuck all that time but then their radar goes off and WOAH. The girl is happy without me, let's go fuck up her life, mess it up and see what happens...

I'm not saying girls do not have this radar because we do as well. You boys may not call it this but may suffer from something similar. Perhaps you're not crying to Toni Braxton, whilst praying that your phone flashes red (not that I judge you, if you were), but you may be hanging out with your friends and they may be going on about some 'chick' (or chicks in some cases) and you either a) remain quiet b) lie c) mention the past. For the time being, there are no girls on the scene and you may be unbothered by it but let's not lie, you like and miss the attention and if you were getting some on a regular basis, you're also missing that.

Yet, just like how it happens to us girls, as soon as you get one girl you like who likes you and it could just be the early days of flirtation or even something more serious... Regardless of what it is (I'm not asking you to define it to me- calm down)... As soon as you do receive that attention, all of a sudden, you are bombarded with girls and you don't know what the hell to do with your life. Suddenly your James Bond and you probably think you're a 'playa' (please) but do you guys not find this strange; like how I do? Where were all these girls when there was no-one? It's like something has slightly changed that we're unaware of or maybe because we are receiving that attention, we have that air of confidence/ego boost and are starting to realise these things more or we have suddenly become more appealing. I still have not worked out why or how this radar works... 

Now, if you are already taken and are receiving attention, there's one thing like accepting it as a compliment and ego boost and perhaps a SLIGHT flirtation; nothing more. But there's another thing with getting ahead of yourself and being inappropriate, whilst trying to have your cake and eat it too. Because sooner or later you'll be back to square one. Alone. Checking your phone every five seconds. Crying to Adele. Ordering Take Out every night. Cleaning out your room and organising all of your paper work. Checking your phone again. No red flash. Not even a fucking cake to eat... Or too (whatever that means). Nothing.