Tuesday 27 December 2011

Do not kiss but I will tell...

What's the worst date I've been on? Oh gosh. I have to confess I am a girl who has been on many dates back in my heyday i.e. 2-3 years ago. I actually loved it, dressing up, the nervous (awkward, the word is awkward) butterflies, location- (note: his choosing shows an insight into his character and taste) and finally the will he/won't he...

I can't say I have been on a truly awful date location wise. I have to say they've been rather adventurous. To the typical restaurants, cinema and bars to picnics in the parks, theatre/ballet, more food, museums, art galleries (I think I've covered them all- sorry if I forgot about your location if you are reading this dear Sir, I'm sure I had a splendid time...).

Most have been rather great locations but a worse date is the connection or should I say non-connection with someone. They could be a Brad Pitt lookalike, spend hundreds of pounds, look dapper, come with roses (do men still do this on dates?) but if you do not get along; you're fucked. Well perhaps not literally 'fucked' of course...

Sense of humour is very important in my culture. If he doesn't understand my sarcasm then there is literally no hope in hell. He may as well just pay for the bill and leave me to eat the food on my own to be quite honest, I'm sure I'll have a more enjoyable time.

So back to the question, my worst date? I'd have to say it was with this guy (positive start at least he was a male... For privacy reasons, I won't reveal his name, but let's call him Dave...) so Dave was fairly good looking, smart, older (not married/no kids), understood my sarcastic ways and everything. Perfect right? We had met before and been speaking for almost a year and finally, after all this time due to a long list of boring reasons which I won't bore you with today, we met up. Oh the anticipation! Oh the anti-climax...

Well the date was going well (we went to a trendy bar in Camden and he paid for everything) except two big flaws. His dress sense (lord in Himmel where do I begin?) and secondly and probably most importantly (as we could easily sort out the styling to fit to my taste...)

Secondly, the bigger problem was his taste in music. Not rock (rock I can work with) but heavy metal. HEAVY METAL. As soon as this was mentioned I was violated and completely lost all interest. I had horrid images that he'd drag me to a mosh pit (ballet flats or heels cannot survive in this environment) and we'd shout to Marilyn Manson and God knows what else. Further images, of his friends at a gig wearing more eye liner than me, worshipping this devil music came into mind and I almost cried. I can deal with any other genre except that!

Hell he could have said country music and I would have gladly got a pair of cowboy boots, hat and yeehaa'd my way to some Dolly Parton. He could have said cheesy pop and after initially questioning his sexuality I would have dug out my Top of the Pops/Smash Hits albums and happily grooved my way back into the 90s. But no. Just my luck. Heavy metal. Could you imagine if we had a mosh pit wedding type thing? Oh the horror.

He was a gentleman though, lent me his jacket as it was cold and asked for a kiss (why) and contacted me many times afterwards. I think he got the hint in the end and we never saw each other again (I still have his jacket). However, Facebook tells me he is happily in a relationship (no doubt moshing happily with) a lovely lass, so this pleases me greatly.

Thus far, that was the worst date I've been on but thinking about it, it wasn't all that bad just different interests led me to lose interest. Who knows what the future holds 'bad date' wise...

The best date I've been on? Oh well a lady never kisses and tells..

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