The 'ex' files.

I know most people would agree with me that opening up the 'ex' files is a sickening, yet important and almost obsessive step, when meeting a new partner. Men say they don't care, but I know, most do. Perhaps not to the psychotic extent that we girls do, but whether we like it or not, the 'ex' files exists and are analysed.

Thinking about it, it should not matter how many partners they've been with? How long ago was their last relationship? How long did it last for? Lastly, the most important (and painful) question- are they still in contact with them? Which only leads on to more questions...

Yes, I am aware that I am giving you the impression that I am a bunny boiler/Glenn Close in 'Fatal Attraction' [original bunny boiler], but I just have to know these things. These are standard questions that need to be answered at some point as they give an indication of what that person is like and where our future could possibly go...

These are definitely NOT first date questions but if you haven't opened up the ex files on the 4^th date at least or just in 'casual' conversation; you are crazy my friend. Either you don't give a shit and just want a bang, or you are so confident and blasé that... oh wow are you human? Because if you are the latter, I cannot justify that reasoning, as my brain cannot comprehend it.

If someone does want a serious future with you and hasn't discussed your skeletons in the closet yet, then they either know about it already, do not want to know about it as they know you're a schlut but want to see you as pure and wholesome, they merely do not want to have this conversation with you as it means they need to discuss their love life, or you were a nun before and your last relationship was with God. No one can be that confident and laid-back that they are not at least a little intrigued about your past and the ghost of the ex still haunting you. If they want to be with you, get to know and love you they will want to know everything about you.

Sorry, but I have not met one guy who hasn't asked about my past. They may not have gone all Glenn Close on me with the incessant interrogation (they leave that to me) but nevertheless the ex files have been touched. So, if you're a male and reading this and disagree with what I'm saying; you are a new breed I have not had contact with-yet.

One guy still meets up with his ex regularly and are just “friends” (apparently I was born yesterday- happy birthday to me).

Another completely cut his out. Ignored her, deleted her off of any social network (this is what our world has come to) and was angry each time she got into contact. But the more I delved into it *Glenn Close alert*, I realised it was because he still loved her and couldn't be friends with her, so he thought cutting her out would mean she didn't exist, which of course isn't the best way to behave. We all know how that ended. She came back out of the wood work and all those 'hidden' feelings came gushing out and my sources tell me they live happily ever after and actually have a joint account (my guess is she needs it more than he does seen as she is jobless- but that's another matter entirely).

This guy I've been speaking to, told me he's been single for the past three years, as he has had one serious relationship in his life. I 'casually' asked him how long he was with her for... He replied six years. I died. That's pretty much a marriage (wouldn't be surprised if there were kids on the scene). How do I compete with that? He went on to say it's complicated (mate, what relationship isn't?) and they still speak *Glenn Close alert*.

So here I am, wondering which is worse? Cutting the ex out completely or remaining friends with them?

I have a problem with ex girlfriends, especially the ones that lurk, but I have never taken into consideration (until now anyway) that my ex's potential new candidates hate me; the ex girlfriend... (and so they should.) But I also know that ex girlfriends hate the new candidates. It's a very strange cycle that exists.

If they've never had a relationship; we judge them, if they jump from relationship to relationship, we judge them. We ask; what does it mean? How did they break up? Who broke up with whom? If they are still in contact with them: are they fucking too? The ex files can easily evolve into the sex files which means there is always a possibility of them getting back together. After all of this, we then judge them accordingly. Exhausting right? Explains why I'm always so tired...

We need to know these answers to feel secure and know where we stand, but in reality if he wants to be with you and be committed to you, those ex-girlfriend[s] do not matter. You both have pasts, just remember they broke up for a reason and it's in the past. You are the present and could possibly be his future...

Until that day when you eventually become the latest document in his 'ex' files.