Mis-cheated.

There was once a strange phase in my life (more than usual) a few years back and I'm not proud of it but I don't regret it either. It seemed guys who were only in relationships approached me. At one particular point, it was five guys all at at once and it was truly mind boggling. They'd openly talk about their girlfriends; how they intended on marrying them, gifts they'd purchased (one wanted me to go shopping with him to choose a birthday gift in fact) and asked me for relationship advice. I, naturally believed, they saw me as a friend and added them to the 'friends' list. Yet, in the next breath they'd act inappropriately with their advances and to say I was confused; would be an understatement.

I have learnt: if they're in a relationship, you have to always remember it is not with you and you are the other one and they will never ever ever never leave their partner for you. Whether it is in a long-term relationship, marriage or normal relationship. Do not think you are special. Do not make excuses. If they do happen to leave them for you, it is very very very very rare but do you really want to be with them even though you know they're a cheater? Also, why would they leave you when they have already got what they wanted from you and have the history and love with their current partner? You are not special. You are not Angelina Jolie.

You are not the one they see themselves with forever. They do not want to bring you back to their parents. They are ashamed to be in public with you and to introduce you to their friends. I am not saying you are deformed, ugly, fat and boring, you are just not their girlfriend. You have to remember in a long-term relationship there is history and family involved as well, you have nothing to offer them once you have given them sex.

Years later, I soon started to experience my own serious relationships and learnt from my close friends' long-term relationships. I started to feel sickened and guilty about my past actions. I suppose I can say I learnt my lesson and I was young blah blah and I know never to go there again.

The main thing is the disrespect and deceit rather than the adultery itself. I detest liars and those boys would claim to love their girlfriends but how you can love someone and constantly cheat on them? I genuinely do not understand. I know guys who have answers ready and yes I'll admit there is a difference between sex in a relationship and just sex, but if you love someone, why are you looking at others like that? When I'm in a relationship, I flirt and can admit when a guy is hot (I'm committed not blind) but I would not give out my number or think of kissing them, let alone more. When I'm committed to some someone, I am 100% (perhaps why it takes me long to get into relationships to begin with) and I expect them to be the same. I think trust and honesty are the key elements, otherwise there is no respect, but you have to earn trust as in this day and age it is so difficult. Excuses I have heard for cheating were, I may as well have my fun now seen as I'm going to marry her and won't have my chance otherwise, she doesn't give me enough sex, I no longer am in love with them but do love them, I can't break up with them as they have issues and may kill themselves, I fancied you before I got with her (to name but a few)...

I've said to every partner I want trust, if you like someone else or can't commit; tell me. Never cheat (obviously) but if you do, tell me straight away, as the deceit after the act would just piss me off. I'll admit, I have gone psycho in the past, but that is only because I have been the other woman and am close friends with guys, so know what they are capable of.

To the girlfriends, I am sorry, I realise that now. Though technically, I owed you nothing as I didn't know you, I know now I'm in the wrong. Most of those guys have split up with their girlfriends now by the way and have actually tried to date me afterwards. I can't help but laugh (whilst ignore) and do hope the girls have done better.

One thing I can happily say is, I never fell for any of these guys, as I knew I was just messing around with them and they were not trustworthy to fall for (strange how I can differentiate this feeling and do this). This may be the reason why they keep coming back. I don't know. 

But one way to avoid falling for them is, if someone promises you they will leave their partner for you; do not bother holding your breath (you could die). Do what you have to do, I am not one to judge, but for those being the cheatee, don't be deluded as well as stupid, just have fun if you must. Quit whilst you're ahead before you begin to fall for them or just know from the beginning what you're in for and don't ever be fooled. Alternatively, if they try and 'woo' you to confuse you, just sit on their face- that normally shuts them up.